My sister is moving back in b/c her boyfriend broke up with her. So she'll be a sobbing mess. Great. Just what we fucking need here. My parents are waiting for a loan approval so my dad has been doing repairs on the house for the past week. I feel like i'm poor. My dad got laid off a few weeks ago and he applied for Unempolyment. This is driving me crazy...i keep thinking with everything thats going on....what about me? it costs to live. Where does it leave me? Will i just fade into the darkness of my families problems. I feel completely and utterly hopeless.....and useless. I tried not to get involved with my families problems but it's to late for that. Not to forget i have relationship problems to face. My ex likes me again. But i'm happy with what i have. I just don't want to hurt anyone...is that so wrong? I don't see it as wrong. so i didn't tell him no yet. I can't get the words to come out. I can't get any words to come out any more. Let me describe family life right now- Dad- Cheap/Worry. Mom- hope/light. Sister- Sucidal fright train. Me- Lost/confused/scared of future.
Most days now i find myself just wishing for a helping hand. I feel like i'm gonna blow up at times when i just keep everything in. No one wants to listen to me anyway. Not my parents. Not my sister. They have their own problems. I can't bother them with mine. i know no one will read this but at least i get it out of my head before it kills me. I just need to get it out some how. Maybe some day i'll feel the way i used to instead of titter-tottering from mood to mood. I just wish for one i can get a hold on things instead of having this burning pain in my chest, in my heart. I just can't get a grip. I don't exspect anyone to read this. I don't exspect anyones advice. I just want this to be known.
peace,
Danielle
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